A huge turd has been spotted floating off the coast of Sweden – but defence experts fear that it might be a Russian spy submarine.

The turd, said to measure a huge one hundred feet long, was spotted in the vicinity of a Russian ship, called the ‘Constipationov.’

Thanks to Western technology it is now possible to monitor the bowel movements of sailors on suspicious foreign ships.

The technology is so secret that no-one is supposed to know about it.

However, the technology did not detect any unusual bowel movements on board the ‘Constipationov’ before the turd was detected.

If  anyone on board the ship had spent an unusually long period in the bathroom it would have been noticed by Western intelligence agencies.

This seems to suggest that, as feared, it is a spy submarine.

A Western intelligence expert is convinced that this is the case.

“It’s far too hard to be a turd, for one thing” he told the Ridiculous Times.

“If it’s a turd, why hasn’t it broken up by now?”

And he added the following piece of information.

“The ‘Constipationov’ has not always been known by that name.”

“It’s quite possible that the Russians have re-named the ship the ‘Constipationov’ to convince the West that the sailors on board suffer from constipation.”

“And to convince the West that it is just a harmless turd.”