The Hunchback of Notre Dame will be given a completely new body make-over when the cathedral is re-built, following the recent devastating fire.
Thanks to pioneering new surgery which was not available in the 11th. century when he climbed (pun kind of intended) to fame as he swung around the roof of the building he will no longer have a hunched back.
He will now be known as the Upright of Notre Dame.
The Ridiculous Times interviewed the marketing director of the cathedral.
“Surely, when people visit Notre Dame they will expect to find the Hunchback of Notre Dame” we asked.
“Not the Upright of Notre Dame.”
“They want to see deformity, not normality.”
“Yes, there will be a few problems marketing the new brand” he said smoothly.
“But people are now more aware of physical disabilities, more sympathetic towards the disabled.”
We interviewed a typical cross-section of the public to find out what they thought about it.
We also tried to avoid asking questions which might appear to be biased, in keeping with our high standards of impartial journalism.
“Would you pay good money to see someone who looks perfectly normal swinging around the rafters of the Notre Dame cathedral?”
“A feat that just about anyone can perform.”
“Or would you prefer to see a hunchback, who is of course more far entertaining than a normal person, doing it?”
The results of the survey will be published soon.