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Are you ready for a Zombie invasion?

Funny newspaper title

Are you ready for a Zombie invasion?
You know how it is; you’ve mowed your lawn, cleaned your car, maybe you’ve taken your medication, etc.
But are you ready for a Zombie invasion?
It’s easy to overlook this possibility in today’s busy world, where the chances of an invasion by the, let’s call them the ‘not quite dead,’ seems so remote.
You might look around you and decide that everyone seems so normal; no-one is staggering towards you with a drunken expression on their faces, and blood all over their bodies.
Unless you live in a pretty rough area with a high crime rate, of course, in which case this is probably normal.
But appearances can be deceptive – Zombies are all around us!
So here’s my number one tip for spotting the first signs of a Zombie invasion (there’s only one tip but I’ve called it number one anyway.)
Tip #1.
Regularly inspect the gums of your loved ones for signs of bleeding, because if they are bleeding even slightly this could be a symptom of their transformation into a zombie.
Obviously, try to be discreet about this.
For example.
Ask them to give you a big smile, and while their mouths are wide open with disbelief check their gums for signs of bleeding.
Alternatively, tell them that due to tough new government legislation which massively infringes on their civil liberties you have to check the bristles of their toothbrushes.
While you are checking them, surreptitiously produce a magnifying glass and inspect the bristles for signs of blood.
Alternatively, suggest they see a dentist.
But can you really trust your dentist?
Are you sure that he isn’t a Zombie?

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