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Warming to the idea of a second ice age.
The world will become a lot colder in about a hundred million years, according to somebody who knows what it’s like to become a lot colder in a hundred million years.
The expert, who lived in the ice age, but found it too cold, emerged from his freezing home in a freezing cold glacier (there are no warm glaciers) to make his amazing prediction.
His teeth still chattering, and his testicles a frozen dinner for two, he could only communicate with the outside world by speaking his simple ice age language, called ‘simple-ice-age-ish.’
His first attempt to communicate was a disaster because when he tried to call for help he couldn’t work out which button to press.
“Which button do I press for simple-ice-age-ish,” he muttered to himself, in his simple-ice-age-ish language.
“Is it after ‘Press Ten For English’ or what?”
For those who aren’t familiar with simple-ice-age-ish, and I know that are a few of you out there (let’s face it, we can’t all speak a foreign language, especially one that’s a hundred million years old) it isn’t really that difficult to learn.
Simple-ice-age-ish speakers basically communicate by using their chattering teeth.
One chatter means ‘Yes,’ and two chatters mean ‘No.’ Obviously, it gets a little bit more complicated than that, but that’s enough to get you started.
So when I asked the simple question ‘Will America become a lot colder in about a hundred million years? his teeth seemed to hesitate for a moment.
Obviously they didn’t completely stop chattering, because they can’t, but I thought I detected a change in the rythm, a subtle new nuance, that only an expert in simple-ice-age-ish can detect.
Maybe my attempt at making light conversation was too much for him, or maybe this wasn’t the right time to ask a question like that – maybe he just wanted to get warm.
But luckily I was wrong, because he finally answered the question (it took a while because there is no easy way of saying it in his language)
“Only if you believe in global warming” he said through his chattering teeth.